


Crow's Jeté/ Six of Tutus

by santabibi



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I will add more tags as the story develops, Multi, Oral Sex, Repressed Feelings, kaz is softer, the swan lake ballet, virgin!matthias
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santabibi/pseuds/santabibi
Summary: The ballet dancers of the Dregs Company must cooperate with The Fjerdan Company and the London Private Company to put out a large production of 'The Swan Lake'. Inej, Nina and Jesper will have to do their best under the leadership of their trainer Kaz Brekker, a too-young retired dancer.Will they be able to shine amongst the competition? Will they make friends or enemies along the way?
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 58
Kudos: 97





	1. Sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. : I am by no means a ballerina. All information I have on ballet comes from good old Google. 
> 
> I watched the movie Black Swan recently and loved the idea of a ballet au for our beloved crows. I hope you enjoy:)

The only thing Inej did not love about her career choice was the requirement to wake up at the crack of dawn. In the winters, the sky would still be completely black when her alarm went off. She had stopped complaining about it quite a few years ago, but the groan and frustrated sounds her roommate was making as she was making her bed in the next room showed that Nina still had a lot to say about 6 am trainings. 

She got up and straightened her duvet but didn’t bother tucking the edges in. It would get messed up again anyways. She went to the bathroom and immediately hopped into the shower for a quick body rinse, but she didn’t wash her hair. She did her actual showers when she got home in the evening like Nina and Jesper showered in the morning. It was a schedule they had fallen into.

She left the bathroom in her towel and waddled back to her room. Jesper went into the bathroom as she put her clothes on. She had to do laundry, because the only leotards left were the pastel ones. She didn’t hate them per se, but she definitely liked her white, black or tan ones better. She pulled on some tights before putting a baby blue leotard on and pulling a pair of black sweatpants on top along with the Dregs Company sweatshirt. She really needed to get around to doing her laundry. 

After she was dressed, she went into the kitchen to find Nina boiling a bunch of eggs in a very large pot, still in her pyjamas. Eggs were good protein and there were three athletes living in this house. She went to the fridge to grab some almond milk and she started making protein shakes for them to drink in the car. Jesper would be grabbing them snacks before leaving the house. Easy rhythm. 

They left after a good breakfast. They got in Jesper’s car and started driving in silence to the studio which was only a few blocks away. 

The moment she had passed by this apartment with a 'for rent' sign on it, she couldn’t believe it. It was in the middle of the city with a reasonable price and very close to the studio, but there had been three bedrooms and one surprisingly large living room that she couldn’t afford on her own. So she had asked around the company if anyone else was looking for an apartment and Nina and Jesper had come up. 

When they arrived, it was 5:49 am. They went to their lockers and shoved their change of clothes there. Then, they went their separate ways. Jesper would be training with Inej with their trainer Kaz, but Nina had Per Haskell. The old man had been a very good ballerino in his days, but he was in his early fifties and didn’t have the energy the sport required.

Kaz, however, was young. Surprisingly young for a master. Most ballet dancers would go into training after their retirement which would be around the age of thirty five, but Kaz was in his early twenties, which were supposed to be your prime, where you have enough experience but also enough energy. 

Inej had a guess about the reason of Kaz Brekker’s early career change but she would not ask about it. 

When they walked in, Kaz simply greeted them with a nod of the head as Inej and Jesper began their stretches. Kaz was standing in a corner, watching the two dancers’ reflections in the mirror.

“Don’t forget the hips, Ghafa. Tuck them in.” he offered as a pointer. 

Jesper was sitting on the floor, flexing his hamstrings and feet. Even though male dancers didn’t go en pointe nearly as much as the female dancers, Jesper had one of the best arches she had ever seen. 

After a good ten minutes of stretching, Kaz spoke.

“Per Haskell wanted me to let you know that we will be working with a few more small ballet companies for our next performance.” he said, quite obviously not happy about it. 

“Which companies?” asked Jesper, at the same time Inej had asked “Which performance.”

“We will be working with the Fjerdan Ballet Company and the London Private Ballet Company and performing The Swan Lake.” 

The Fjerdan company was a very strict company which trained their dancers in the Russian techniques. They were very strict about it and they always performed a Russian Ballet. Their strict requirements meant they had tall women and even taller men.

The London Private Ballet Company was essentially where all rich kids who didn’t have enough talent for the other companies and actually had to pay to dance instead of earning money.

The Swan Lake. It made sense to be working with a few other companies. It was a large production. They would need a lot more people then they have in the Dregs which is ten dancers. They had worked with other companies before, of course but never ones that were so different from them and each other.

Like every girl who does ballet, Inej guessed, being Odette or Odile had always been one of her dreams, one that she was maybe too afraid to have as not to jinx it. She knew she wasn’t the perfect Russian style dancer. Kaz had always encouraged her to be familiar with both English and Russian styles, considering Inej’s other dream of becoming a principal, or even a prima in the London Ballet Company. It was the biggest and best company in England and they only hired the best of the best. Inej was young, and she still had a lot of time to shine, said Kaz always, but at 19, she felt like she was already too late.

“You deserve better than Per Haskell and what this company has to offer, Ghafa.” Kaz had said. Inej hoped he was right. 

“The Fjerdan Company? Oh no. They are going to put all their dances in the main roles, aren’t they?” whined Jesper.

“Let’s hope not. Someone all the companies trust has agreed to come and decide the roles to make it as fair as possible. We have a month until the castings, and I will need you guys and Nina to be at your absolute best. We will use this studio and Nina will be joining us.”

As if on cue, Nina stepped into the room. 

“Hi,” she said, grinning and already putting one of her legs on the barre, “heard you guys need a swan.”

Inej couldn’t help the smile that curled her lips.

“Enough playing around. Let’s start from the beginning of the first act.”

The rest of the session was spent learning choreographies. While Inej was doing a particularly difficult penche, which required her to lean forwards onto Jesper or a barre (for now) while en pointe and lift her other leg to the ceiling, Kaz came up behind her to fix her form. He laid one hand gently on the top of her thigh and started pushing it higher, making sure her legs were at a 180 degree split instead of a drooping 170, god forbid. 

Kaz wasn’t as hands-on as most trainers, who would push and poke at your legs, back and hips until your form was impeccable, but rather he would give her exact instructions. Twist your leg a bit, tuck those hips in, jump higher, reach farther. The rare times he would fix something manually, Inej would feel very nervous.

When it was 9 o’clock, Kaz gave them a twenty minute break to stretch their feet and actually put on pointe shoes. 

Inej and Nina had ugly feet. That was something every ballerina had in common. Bruised, blistered, sore feet with broken nails and sometimes broken toes. They started chatting while Kaz went out to the office to grab the sheet music for the first act instead of listening to the speakers. They wrapped their toes together and pulled un their pointe shoes; twisting their feet to make sure they were on properly and tucking in the ribbons of the torture devices. 

Nina mentioned how excited she was to be working with the Fjerdan company, which was sarcasm, because Nina hated the Fjerdan company as much as they probably hate her. Nina was also trained in the Russian style, and was half Ukranian. However, The Fjerdan Company hadn’t allowed her to join them because she didn’t fit their image. Their image being weighing less than 100 pounds and having small breasts.

Nina weighed 110 pounds, which was very skinny by normal people standards, but in ballet it was just a regular weight. Nina also had much more defined curves than your average ballet dancer and would stand out in any group dance if she were to dance with the Fjerdan girls.

When Kaz came back, Inej was doing side splits on the floor to open her hips a little more. He stepped over to the small piano in in the far end of the room and set the sheet music down. 

“Jesper, you will obviously be dancing Prince Siegfried, but I want Nina and Inej to both dance Odette first, and then Odile. We will see which one of you fits which role best.” he said.

“Wait, we will have seperate dancers for Odette and Odile?” asked Nina. 

“Yes. Apparently the costume design team has some brilliant interpretation idea.”

Seeming satisfied enough with the answer, Nina turned to Jesper. Kaz started playing on the piano. It was a simplified version that allowed him to give his complete focus to the dancers and their movement. 

He gave a few pointers along the way, but Nina danced Odette beautifully. Her Russian training melted well into the song and Inej knew her friend would make Tchaikovsky proud. Nina danced very elegantly and as if it cost her no difficulty at all. However, when her performance was over, Kaz had some critique for her. 

Of course he did. The man was a perfectionist. Nothing could be less than absolutely satisfying, because then what would be the point?

He complained to Nina that she was being too Nina. Too excited, too loud (even tough she hadn’t spoken, but Inej knew what he meant). Odette was supposed to be a meek pretty girl with a soft personality so that the contrast between the wild and seductive Odile was as obvious as possible to audience members who might not be familiar with the story.

Jesper was doing splendidly. He was one of the rare dancers Inej was a hundred percent comfortable with. She knew he always had her back, and they seemed to always get into a good flow when they danced. 

Then, Kaz gestured for Inej to go forwards and dance. She knew she probably had more chance at being Odette than Odile, so she made sure to dance this very well. Dancing with Jesper was always like wrapping herself in a fluffy towel: comforting. Dancing in front of Kaz also felt that way.

She wondered if she would ever dance with Kaz. She knew he was a beautiful dancer, she had seen clips of him on the internet from his time in the London Company. He had been the youngest dancer hired there at 20. Then he had stopped.

Inej had seen him dance once, when she couldn’t sleep at night because of the storm that was rattling her windows, and she had decided to go to the studio in the middle of the night where she knew the walls were soundproof. She had walked there in the rain. It was 5 am, an hour too early for her training.

She had heard the music of Romeo and Juliet coming from the training room. Inej had stepped into the space quietly as not to disturb whoever was dancing, and she was very surprised to see Kaz Brekker dancing. He had been moving fluidly. His moves would have looked perfect to the untrained eye, but she had been doing this for years.

She knew a bad knee when she saw it.

He wasn’t jumping as high as she had seen him jump in the tapes of his performances. The man that would jump almost to his own height had been now keeping his weight off his left leg and his jumps hadn’t looked as strong. He had been turning on the wrong leg, obviously one he wasn’t used to using as his support leg. She had not stared at his muscled thighs in the tights. No.

Inej had then noticed the cane that was leaning against the mirror along with his coat. He must have not bothered putting his stuff away in the lockers. She hadn’t seen him with a cane before. But seeing it had made so much sense: he wouldn’t be performing the moves to let Inej see unless it was necessary and he always seemed to prefer leaning against a wall while watching them. It had also explained how often he would play the piano in practices when they would be perfectly fine dancing to a recording.

He had been using it as an opportunity to sit down and relax his leg.

Kaz had noticed her leaning against the doorway. He always seemed to notice her.

“Come in, Ghafa.” he had said. “I won’t bite.”

Inej had walked in and Kaz had sat criss cross on the floor. She had sat in front of him. Inej felt like she needed to explain why she was here. She felt like she was invading his privacy in an inexplicable way. He would have told her about the knee if he had wanted to.

“I can’t sleep.” she had said. “When there’s a storm, I mean. My room has pretty old windows and they rattle a lot.”

He gave her a smile, a rare occurrence considering his generally serious demeanor. It had always managed to make Inej happy as well, like it was infectious.

“I haven’t been on stage in a long time. I like to see how much worse I got.” He had offered her the piece of information so casually Inej couldn’t believe that they weren’t discussing the next time they would train or something equally unimportant.

“I don’t understand how it happened.” Inej had said. “I looked up your performances online. You were… beautiful. Your videos stopped appearing some day and there was no explanation. Is it the injury?” she had questioned and hoped she wasn’t prying.

“Yes. It was a bad one. I had injured it lightly and I kept performing. I should have known better.” He had quieted after the brief explanation.

“You should have taken the time to heal.” she had said softly. She didn’t blame him. It would have been impossible to stop performing if it had been in the middle of show season. Not that he wouldn’t have a back-up to fill his position but because of the stubbornness she new he had.

“Yes. So I just came down here to dance a little bit, I guess.” he had said.

It had been a summer day, so the dark sky was becoming a purplish shade with the rays of the rising sun. 

“What do you mean ‘come down here’?” Inej had asked him.

Kaz had looked like he hadn’t been meaning to tell her that.

“I live upstairs, in the building.” he had said. They hadn’t looked at each other, but rather the sunrise visible from the window.

“You live with Per Haskell?” Inej had asked with surprise in her tone. 

“No, no. There is an attic, kind of like a studio that has separate stairs. I rent it from him.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They sat in the silence of the empty studio until the sun had come up and they had heard bells ringing. It was six am. Jesper and Nina had walked in and they had trained just like every other day.

Except that Inej had become sure that she couldn’t possibly hide her feelings for Kaz Brekker anymore.

And yet she had. And she probably would have to for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i edited this a bit and fixed some stuff


	2. Bus rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the fact that he had brought his friends here, to this place that was neutral ground, a safe haven. Here they hadn’t been dancers from rival companies, they had just been Matthias and Nina. He had turned their spot into a spot.
> 
> It was like having sex in a church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is in nina's pov and mr matthias also shows up. i wanted to give them fluff because they deserve it but also angst because helnik was built on angst. hope you enjoy, and please comment and/or give kudos!

Learning that she was going to have to work with the fucking Fjerdan Ballet Company was not the best way her day could have gone. She was warming up when Per Haskell had told her about the Swan Lake and told her to go to the other studio room where Inej and Jesper were. 

Nina was hoping to play Odile, it felt like the role that fit her best and Kaz seemed to agree. If it was just their company, Inej would play Odette, Nina Odile and Jesper Prince Siegfried, but that wasn’t the case. They would be competing against other dancers. She wasn’t particularly worried about anyone from the private company. Her real worry were the people from The Fjerda Company, or as they called them, the Fjerdans.

It was an ordinary day. At 12:20, they were done. They would grab lunch from a cafe nearby: their wednesday treat. On wednesdays they all had a gap where none of them had to run to their second training session or physical therapy. 

They almost always got waffles. Waffles were Nina’s absolute favorite. They usually sat in a booth in the cafe with the checkered tile floor. As always, they had invited Kaz, but as always, he had said he was busy. 

So they all ordered waffles and started talking.

“Great penche today, Inej.” said Jesper. “Kaz kept looking at you, you know.”

Inej rolled her eyes. 

“Of course he did. He is teaching us Jesper.” 

They were aware of Inej’s crush on Kaz but always made sure to never mention it or make the kind of jokes friends make when their friend has a crush in front of Kaz. Kaz was a great teacher and Inej didn’t want to mess up anything between them which was understandable to both of them.

They had plenty time to joke around outside the studio. 

“I hate having to work with the Fjerdans.” said Nina. “Did I tell you guys about the Fjerdan guy in the studio where I do my afternoon lessons?” 

“Yes! Like a billion times, Nina.” said Jesper, looking exasperated. Then he started doing a scarily convincing Nina impression.

“Oh, there is an annoying Fjerdan in my group. He keeps being annoying and annoying me. Boo hoo. Why is he so hot?”

Nina started laughing and almost choked on a piece of waffle, which resulted in Inej laughing so hard that her soda came out her nose. She was grateful to have such a good friend group. She didn’t know what she would’ve done without them. She had left Ukraine and her friends behind to have a ballet career in London. Her teachers there, Zoya Nazyalenski and Genya Safin had not been very happy about her decision. They had claimed she could have a career just as good there, but she was honestly just bored. Nina knew she had a natural talent for ballet. Zoya and Genya had claimed it to be a sort of superpower, where she could control the emotions of the audience through dance. When she wanted, she knew she could make their hearts beat faster. 

She wanted to make her old teachers proud. It had taken a while to arrange her visa and permits. Per Haskell had been kind enough-or smart enough- to register himself as her employer which allowed for her to get a working permit. 

After their very filling lunch, Jesper left to go to his physical therapy session while Inej headed back to the studio. She also got afternoon lessons, but unlike Nina, who going to a studio where you could drop by whenever and do your own thing for a monthly membership fee, Inej had private lessons with Kaz Brekker.

She got on a bus that would take her four stops, and saw that the seat next to him was empty. 

That goddamn Fjerdan who always complained that she was letting her dance be influenced by the English style. The man that was so tall that even Nina had to look up at him. Now, he was sitting on a bus with his headphones in, looking out the window and looking all handsome. Ugh.

She wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of knowing he made her nervous. She plopped down beside him ungracefully. She unbuttoned her red pea coat and pulled out a mirror and lipstick from her bag. He just greeted her with a small ‘hey’. 

She smiled back at him and applied her lipstick, which was a very sheer red that was more of a lip balm, really. She closed the mirror shut and blew him a kiss.

She had a very strong urge to annoy him in that moment.

“Whatcha listening?” she said while simultaneously pulling out one of his earbuds and putting it in her ear, which required her to get really close to him. She was basically leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Hey!” he sounded annoyed. Mission fucking accomplished.

A lady’s imagination is very rapid: it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. The narrator said into the earbuds.

Nina made an exaggerated gasping sound.

“Oh wow, you read Jane Austen! How surprising! I would have taken you as more of a Dostoyevski man. Or Tolstoy. Something like that.” Nina was laughing now and could barely tell that Matthias was smiling the tiniest smile.

She didn’t take the earbuds off and they just listened to Pride and Prejudice for a while

It was something Nina had started to do after a week in the afternoon studio: teasing Matthias and being clingy. She had noticed that he wasn’t as douchey as the other people from his company and definitely not as mean. It had started with practicing some lifts together, which you really couldn’t practice well on your own. Then it had come to their attention that they both take the same bus back home. 

Nina wasn’t sure if that made him her boyfriend but they hadn’t really talked about it. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed yet. It was just sitting together on the bus and admittedly very strong flirting.

Maybe she was reading too much into this and he was just a flirty person. She surely was.

The bus came to a halt at their stop and they got off, Nina turning around to thank the bus driver. 

After a meddling with a very uncooperative locker, she finally went into the studio. Her immediate thought was oh no. The Fjerdans were here. Not all of them, but four. Interesting how she had stopped counting Matthias as one of them. They were stretching on the floor and chatting, Matthias among them.

It felt weird. She had never actually seen him with the rest of the Fjerdan dancers. They had met here at the studio and it had just been a minor detail about the guy who had helped her with her sissonnes. Seeing him among them made her insides shrivel up because fuck if he didn’t look like he fit in with those weird ballet purists. 

Matthias saw her as she went over to the barre, and gave her a smile, but it was so quick and small. He didn’t want his friends to see.

Was he ashamed of her? Did he simply know her dislike for his friends and wanted to avoid their attention on her? Was she just that insignificant that he couldn’t say ‘by the way, this is my friend Nina’?

She felt her eyes burning slightly so she just turned back to the barre and watched him from the reflection in the mirror instead. 

His friends and he had begun doing some jumps over on the other end of the space. Nina decided not to pay them any attention and focus on her own thing.

She started practicing some fouettes. If she got lucky and somehow managed to get the part, she would need to do thirty-two of them. That was a lot. 

She was practicing and had decided to spot the green exit sign in the corner above the emergency exit. She put on the music of the iconic scene and put in her wireless earbuds. She was turning, turning and she kept looking at the green spot sign, twisting her head to keep her eyes on the single spot for as long as possible. 

She kept rising en pointe and going back on a flat foot to benefit from the momentum, her arms extending and drawing back with the music. She was counting them in the back of her head. Ten, eleven, twelve… And then her spot disappeared. It took her two more fouettes to even realise it and stop. Stopping hadn’t really been her intention. She just had.

After seeing why the green light of the sign was blocked. 

It was Matthias. He was lifting one of the perfect Fjerdan girls in the air and their bodies were blocking her view. They were doing sissonnes. 

She convinced herself she was angry because they had made her stop her fouettes. She had been doing so well. She had also been wanting to impress Matthias and maybe joke about their new forced cooperation or how maybe they would dance together.

She wasn’t jealous, not exactly. She couldn’t care less that he was lifting another girl. It was literally their jobs. No, the problem was bringing his friends here. He was surely the one who invited them. It was the fact that he had brought his friends here, to this place that was neutral ground, a safe haven. Here they hadn’t been dancers from rival companies, they had just been Matthias and Nina. He had turned their spot into a spot.

It was like having sex in a church.

She started running through the choreography they had been learning that morning and it worked. Surprisingly. She was busy for at least half an hour. She heard her alarm go off in her phone. This usually meant that it was time to get going for her physical therapy session.

In the bus. With Matthias. To the PT that required her to get off one stop after his.

Going with the bus wasn’t something she minded at all but right now she really wanted a car. Maybe she could call an Uber, or better, she could call Jesper who… is probably just beginning his afternoon training after his own appointment.

It was fine. She could be mature about this. She could just quietly walk up to his circle of friends who seemed to be cooling off anyways. 

She took off her earbuds and walked over. They seemed to be talking about something ‘the old man’ had said. Were they talking about Jarl Brum? She hoped the rest wouldn’t notice her when she walked up to them and quietly called his name.

“Matthias.” she said, holding up her phone so he could see the time: three thirty in the afternoon. He also needed to be going to visit his mother.

Turns out her plan wasn’t that solid because all four of his friends turned towards her at the same time. She was left there awkwardly holding her phone, unable to deny that she had been talking to one of them.

“Matthias?” laughed one of the boys looking surprised, one with light brown hair and green eyes.

“Yes?” Nina said, not understanding why that was the part the boy had got hung up on.

“Helvar, do you know her? Introduce us, please.” said one of the girls. Ah, so they refer to him by his last name, which she hadn’t known. She stopped her brain automatically creating a new combination: Nina Helvar. The girl that had spoken was probably nice enough, but she hated how her voice was mocking Matthias.

“Um, yeah.” muttered Matthias. “This is Nina. Nina, these are my friends.”

She really wanted to ask which ones, so she could put faces to the names but that would only make this more awkward than it needs to be.

“Hi.” she gave a small wave. She turned to Matthias to just say what she had wanted to say, this was going on long enough. “It’s three thirty-thirty five actually.”

“And?” said the other girl, one that really made Nina understand the expression ‘resting bitch face’.

She looked at Matthias, waiting for him to say something like ‘gotta go catch to bus to see my mum”, but he just shook his head very subtly.

“Okay then. Nice to meet you all.” she said, turned around and bolted.

This wasn’t her. She wasn’t fucking meek. She should have just went over there and pulled a true Nina with something like “hey Matthias darling let’s get going our bus is going to leave”. She should have told those people to fuck off when they had made fun of her with their exchanged looks.

So why was she running out of that studio into the horrible London weather? Well, Nina had a self-diagnosis for her ailment.

She had it bad.

She went to her appointment and did not look outside to wonder if any of the apartments she could see was his. She got all the tension massaged out of her tired ankles and sore feet and strained calves. It was easy to forget about the day when she was lying on that table and chit chatting to Anna.

When she went to bed, she did not think about the day over and over and the implications of it. 

Nina definitely didn’t cry in the shower so her roommates wouldn’t hear her through the thin walls of her bedroom.

When Nina Zenik went to bed at 8:30 pm, her dreams weren’t full of a boy with golden hair and a gentle laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor nina:(


	3. Scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey:) so here is a brand new kanej chapter. i am writing only nina and inej pov's because i cannot write men's pov's without it sounding dumb. i will edit this in a few days if i see any spellin mistakes etc. thank you to @katynide on twitter for beta reading my chapters <3

Inej's studio hours were going to get longer and she would be spending more and more time in the studio each day. The role of Odette/Odile was one of the most difficult roles to play, and they had decided to give it to two seperate dancers, which actually made it a lot more manageable.

Every morning the three of them would train together, and sometimes other dancers from their company would drop by, but their training was in another room.

When Jesper and Nina were in the room, Kaz was strictly verbal. He trusted that you knew the terms he was using and simply explained it all. After lunch, when he and Inej were alone, he would show her certain moves and demonstrate how it should be one. 

Inej liked that he trusted her enough to dance in front of her. Sure, he stumbled and generally wasn’t as elegant as he used to be, he was still one of the best dancers Inej had ever known. Not that she would tell Kaz that.

She was almost done with act two, and she needed to practice a high lift. Jesper was already gone, so she turned to Kaz.

“Can you do this pas de deux with me? I don’t want to wait for tomorrow.” she asked him. Don’t let it show how much you want to dance with him, Inej, she thought to herself. They were alone here, surely he would dance with her, right?

Wrong.

“I don’t want to do a pas de deux, it has lifts in it.” he said, as if that explained everything.

“And?” she questioned. Oh, maybe his knee hurt. That would be it, right? Extra weight on his bad knee would surely be painful. But then again, she had seen him move boxes full of costumes more than once. “Is it the extra weight on your knee?” she asked, knowing full well it wasn’t.

“Not exactly.” Why did he have to be so dismissive? He was acting like how he acts with other people. He isn’t this cold with her. He really never is.

Kaz walked over to the piano and sat down on the little stool. “Let’s start from the top, Ghafa.” He started playing the piano with those thin, long fingers and Inej danced.

Why wouldn’t he dance with her? What was the deal about the lifts? After the sun had begun to set and she was heading home in the watery snow that melted the second it hit the ground, it was all she could think about. Something came to mind, but she wouldn’t do that, would she? No, no, that was too much of an invasion of privacy.

So she went home. She was a little later than usual so the others ahd gobbled down their dinners already. She sat down on the kitchen table and started eating, but her fingers were itching. She could just reach to her phone and… No. Stop it. If Kaz wasn’t going to tell her, then she wasn’t allowed to find out.

Nina had seemed a bit off, so when she came into the living room with a book in her hand, she took the opportunity for a distraction. 

“What’re you reading?” she asked, running her plate under the water flowing from the sink.  
Nina held up the cover of the book. It was one of those trashy romance novels you could buy at the gas station. She was clearly not in a chatty mood.

“What’s wrong, babe?” she asked, sitting beside her on the couch.

“It’s just that… well, a group of people from the Fjerdan company came to my afternoon training. And they knew Matthias. But he was so different around them, you know? It just bummed me out. I’ll be fine.” Her pout was telling another story, but Inej wasn’t in a position to give out romantic advice. Jesper would be the better person for Nina to talk to.

“Anyways, I’m going to take a shower now.” said Nina and got up, her book forgotten on the cushions.

When she went away, and Inej was just about to reach for her phone because god damn it- Jesper walked in. 

He turned on the television and put on one of those comedy shows with short episodes and they started watching together. He kept making small talk or offering commentary about the events of the show, but Inej was distracted. She said things like “hmmm” and “yeah” but her mind was elsewhere.

After the episode finished, she excused herself and went to her room. She was going to watch some videos, so she turned on her computer and went to Youtube.

Kaz Brekker, she typed, and filtered the videos to show the latest on top. It was a clip from the last show Kaz had done, The Nutcracker. She watched, skipping with the left arrow to see if there was anything she hadn’t watched on those cd’s Kaz had given her. Nothing. 

She went on a ridiculous celebrity gossip site, but the only thing that Kaz was mentioned in was an article where he was briefly mentioned (prima ballerina Kareline Duarst stunned everyone at the gala of her new performance in a blue Alexander Wang dress. Also pictured, Kaz Brekker).

He was only in the background of the photo, but he looked really cute in a suit. She thought maybe that cute wasn’t the right word, but still. Attractive. Hot. Charming. Oh god, keep googling.

She realised that other video websites exist that aren’t Youtube, so she simply googled “Kaz Brekker accident”. She fell into some sort of weird rabbithole website. “Kaz Brekker in the Nutcracker” led her to “Ballet dancer performs on stage”, which she thought was a weird title. And then, in the recommended column, she saw a thumbnail with familiar decor. It was the same stage from all the other Nutcracker videos. What shocked her was the title.

ballet- gruesome injuries compilation

Oh no. No no no no no no. Sure she had been googling, but hadn’t actually thought she would find something. One part of her brain kept screaming at her to stop invading his privacy, to stop finding out information he didn’t want found out.

The other part of her brain made her finger instinctively click on the video.

The video started with a ballerina who twisted her ankle so bad Inej was sure it was broken. Her blood started to run cold and she held her breath. It was snap, snap, snap and she heard bones breaking. Every clip was maybe ten seconds long. There was screaming, crying. She saw the familiar red curtains and then Kaz was there. He wasn’t wearing his costume, neither was Kareline Duarst. She assumed they were practicing for the night’s performance. It wasn’t the classical Nutcracker, the choreography was different. Kaz was lifting Duarst, and then he did a jump while still holding her almost above his head. His supporting leg, the one he had landed on snapped.

Inej saw the leg bend at an impossible angle and she heard Kaz scream-and then the clip changed to another dancer.

She was frozen. The clips kept moving on but she didn’t see them. She was seeing his leg snap, again and again and again in front of her eyes. His scream didn’t seem to stop.

Curiosity killed the cat, indeed. 

She couldn’t sleep afterwards, no matter how much she rolled around in her cold room. At twelve, she went to the kitchen and took some sleeping pills. 

The next morning, when her alarm went off at five in the morning, she got up, had breakfast and everything she usually does. They drove to the studio and she couldn’t look Kaz in the eye. The whole day, she made sure she danced perfectly so that Kaz wouldn’t have a comment to make. How could she ever look at him after what she had done? She and Jesper ate their lunch together outside on a bench, and then she was alone with Kaz. She forced herself to look in between his eyebrows when he was speaking to her, and it wasn’t long before Kaz spoke up.

“What is going on with you, Inej?” he asked, seeming worried. “Are you feeling okay?”

The worry in his black eyes was so genuine that she broke. It was like a dam breaking. One moment she was standing there and the next she had her face in between her hands and she was sobbing.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Inej, tell me what’s wrong..” he was shushing her, trying to calm her down but it was having the opposite effect. This is what dying of shame is like, she thought. She was praying that the ground would swallow her whole.

Kaz had trusted her enough to show him a vulnerable side of himself and she had ruined it- she had taken that trust and broken it and shattered it and-

“Inej. You need to calm down. You are breathing too hard. Come on, let’s sit down.” Then his arms were around her and he was pulling her towards himself, sitting them both down and pressing her head into his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” she sobbed. Her shoulders were shaking and Kaz had his arms wrapped around her shoulders and was rocking her back and forth.

After crying for what felt like forever and only a second, she shuffled a bit so she could look up at Kaz. She wiped at her eyes with her hands and spoke: 

“I did something horrible, Kaz.” she said. “I… I got curious when you said you wouldn’t lift me yesterday and I googled you.”

His expression was unreadable.

“Nothing came up so I kept looking and I- I found it. I’m sorry, Kaz. I’m so sorry.”

Her voice was gritty and broken. 

“Huh.” said Kaz. “I thought they took down all videos of it.” He didn’t look angry. He didn’t get up and leave. He just looked at her with his head cocked to one side, pieces of gorgeous black hair falling on his forehead.

“It was in a video with a bunch of ballet accidents. I’m so sorry. Kaz, I didn’t think I would actually find anything or I wouldn’t have-”

“It’s fine, Inej. I wasn’t the one who asked them to take the video’s down. The production crew did that, and I was glad. But I’m not angry at you for seeing it.”

“Why not?” She deserved it, she knew. 

Kaz took a breath and gave her a smile. It was one of those smiles she only saw him give to her, but that was probably just wishful thinking. “Because if I could choose anyone to show that to, it’s you Inej. I trust you.” 

The silence seemed to go on forever, and Inej felt her own eyes drift to his lips, soft and pink. How would he taste? No. Stop that.

“Do you want to come over for dinner?” she blurted out. “I am supposed to cook tonight. And you never come to the waffle house with us. So just come. Please.” 

“Don’t you live with Nina?” he asked.

“And Jesper.” she confirmed. “But if you want we can eat somewhere else.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t want to deprive your roommates from their dinner by taking you away, so I guess your place it is.” he smiled.

Inej couldn’t believe it. Kaz Brekker was going to come to her house for dinner. Surely it was something friends did, right? Kaz probably thought of her as a friend and a student for fuck’s sake, so he was just being nice. 

Kaz pulls out a pack of tissues from his bag tossed against the floor, and gives one to Inej. She wipes at her eyes and cheeks which are probably flushed. 

“Do you want to leave? It’s still a bit early but I don’t think you are in shape to dance right now.?

“Yep. Sounds good.” she said, trying to be casual, and just ending up weird. So they leave, and the sun is still up. 

“The sun is still up.” she says. Kaz hums his agreement.

“Right.” says Kaz, pulling out some keys. “I will just grab my bike then.”

“What bike?” Whoa. Kaz just got on a motorcycle. Kaz has a motorcycle. He just pulled out a helmet from the back and is now handing it to her.

“Get behind me and put on the helmet.” he says, smiling at her expression. She takes the helmet from him and puts it on. It’s the vintage type of helmet that didn’t cover the face, and it was a bit big one her but she reveled in the comfort of wearing something that was Kaz’s. In her daydreams, she would steal his hoodies and they would smell like him. She jumped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

His hitched breath could mean anything. 

“Where to?” he asks and she describes how to get to her apartment. Third right, go straight for a bit and then left by the convenience store.

They take off and she feels the wind on her face, but the cold of the November afternoon is chased away by the warmth of Kaz. She laughs because she is that happy, and the sound is eaten up by the wind and their speed. She puts her cheek on Kaz’s back and she is absolutely giddy.

She can be happy, she realizes. Even if Kaz is her master and she is alone in her affections, she can be happy if she can breathe in his scent like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed blind inej and whipped kaz:)


	4. Protein bars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello people! you might notice that the rating has gone up. we are moving into smutty zone, at least with helnik, tho it's not explicit in this chapter yet. hope you enjoy:)

Nina decided by the third day that she was going to stop sulking and actually go to her afternoon classes. It wasn’t really beneficial to her to practice in the living room, and she really wanted the part of Odile, damn it.

She left the studio at lunchtime and went to catch the bus. Please don’t be here, she thought, but her stupid heart wanted him to be sitting by a window with his gorgeous face and everything to go back to normal. The bus came, and Matthias wasn’t in it. She sat in her usual seat and went to the studio in silence.

When she got there and stuffed her belongings to her thankfully fixed locker, she was ready to have a quiet session on her own. She put on her earbuds and walked into the room.

He was there. What had she expected? He had probably taken the bus that’s ten minutes before the one she takes. He was alone. No Fjerdans in sight. She gave him a small nod of acknowledgement and started stretching by the bar. It wasn’t long before he came up to her under the ruse of also stretching. 

“I’m sorry.” he said.

“Why?” She wanted to hear him explain. 

“It was a douche move, bringing my friends here. For your knowledge, I didn’t ask them to come, they just knew where I trained and popped by. We came with the same bus, Nina. You know I didn’t come with them. And I’m sorry for putting you in an awkward position.” His demeanor was calm, but his eyes were looking at her so intently that she could almost hear the ‘please forgive me’ he was too proud to say.

“Why do they call you Helvar?” she asked. She was curious and wasn’t ready to drop this quite yet.

“It’s my last name.” he responded, looking confused. “Not a lot of people call me by my first name.”

“But you never told me that was the name you preferred. I just called you Matthias. I’m pretty sure your friends have a million theories about the strange girl who called Helvar ‘Matthias’.”

He was just still for a moment. “I like how it sounds when you say it.”

Nina’s heart did a little skip. She gave him a little smile. “You are forgiven,  _ Matthias _ .” she said, rolling his name on her tongue. He smiled back.

“That is my favorite leotard you have.” he blurted out. The tips of his ears were turning as red as the garment in question. “You look like a little red bird when you do the arm movements from the Swan Lake.”

She didn’t know how to react to that, but it seemed like all was back to normal. They practiced multiple pas de deux’s and Nina was grateful- having to share one Jesper was difficult in the morning sessions. She sometimes would wonder why Kaz wouldn’t simply dance with one of them. It surely would make Inej really happy.

They only stopped when they noticed that the sun had gone down. Everyone else was gone at that point, at least in the room where they practiced.

“Shit, shit shit!” exclaimed Nina. “I’m late for my physical therapy. They cancel your appointment if you’re ten minutes late and I’m already eight minutes late.”

“Then there isn’t anything you can do at this point. Stop freaking out.” He was right. “I can help you.”

Nina raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“Just go and take off your tights and sit down.”

Nina moved to the dressing rooms and got rid of her leotard and tights. She pulled out the t-shirt and sweatpants she had in her locker. Was Matthias really offering to massage her legs?

She went back into the room to find that Matthias had also pulled on a hoodie on top of his dance clothes. He patted the floor next to him and Nina plopped herself down next to him. She unlocked her phone as she sat down to check her texts. There was one from Inej.

Inejjjj: Kaz is coming over for dinner. 

Inejjjj: Where r u?

She quickly typed a response to start without her. She put her phone away and looked at Matthias. He gently took her left calf and placed it on his lap, pushing the leg of the sweatpants above her knee. The first dig of his fingers into her tired muscles almost made her moan. He wasn’t just working out the knots either: he was stroking the skin as well. Then his hands, his large, warm hands moved over to rub the ball of her foot and this time she couldn’t hold back a little whimper. 

“So,” she started, hoping to not make that noise again. “how’s your mum?”

“She is doing okay. I got her her groceries yesterday.”

Nina’s stomach gave a growl in the middle of this conversation, and he reached into his bag and pulled out a protein bar. Nina could swear she heard the song ‘if this is love’ in the back of her head.

“Eat this.” he said. 

“Aren’t  _ you _ getting hungry? Should we maybe order something? Or go somewhere?” Wow, real smooth there. There was no way he-

“Do you want to order chinese at my place?” he asked.

Way too quickly and enthusiastically, Nina replied: “Yes.” She opened the wrapper of the protein bar and saw that it was the chocolate chip sort.

“These ones are the best.” she said, taking a bite. They slowly got up and left the studio. With an aching familiarity, they walked to the same bus stop they walk to almost every evening, but this time with the knowledge that they would be getting off at the same stop.

“Do you want to have a bite?” she asked with her mouth full, bringing the half-eaten bar near his mouth. He shook his head.

“I don’t really care much for sweets.” he said simply. Then their bus rounded the corner and they got in. Their usual seats were taken but there were plenty of empty ones. They sat down and Nina almost immediately leaned her head on his shoulder. He was the perfect height to do that. 

“How can you not like sweets?” she interrogated once they had sat down, twisting her head to look up at him but not removing her head from his shoulders. Their faces were so close like this she could see the different shades of blue scattered throughout his irises.

“Well, I don’t know. I just don’t like the really sugary stuff in shops. They taste wrong.”

Nina grinned. “One day I’m going to bake you cookies so good you will change your mind forever.” She didn’t even realise what she was saying before it was out of her mouth. Matthias was blushing and so was she. 

The bus stopped with a groan on Matthias’s stop and they both got out. It was cold, and Nina didn’t have gloves, yet she kept her hands outside the pockets of her coat. She was hoping a certain dumbass would take the hint as they walked down the street. He didn’t. So she simply reached for his hands and looped her fingers through his. The dumbass in question looked at their joined hands, then back up at her and smiled before giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Then his thumb started caressing the side of her index finger. Such a small gesture but Nina truly felt like her heart was going to burst. She had never quite understood when people said they had ‘butterflies in their stomach’, hers had always been a slight pressure in her abdomen. When she saw Matthias, that always happened. Now, however, she could feel the wings beating.

They stopped in front of an old metal door which Matthias unlocked with a key without letting go of her hand. The door two floors above was more tricky, so she just let his hand go. 

His apartment was a small studio, but he didn’t have any roommates. The entry was straight into the living room/kitchen area and she could see his bed on the other side of the room, half hidden by a dresser. She let her eyes wander around, taking in the space. It was decorated sparsely, containing only the basics of stuff. He had a few posters on the wall. The couch was a dark blue, like his sheets.

Matthias walked in and discarded his coat and bag quickly by the coat hanger, and took Nina’s coat. She couldn’t believe the gentlemanliness of it all. 

“Make yourself comfortable. I will order the food.” he said. She walked over to his small couch in front of the television. He had a game console. It was strangely intimate to see someone’s apartment. When she sat down, he passed her a paper menu. He was already on the phone, greeting whoever had picked up. 

“Yes, can we please get some beef noodles and-” he turned to Nina to see what she had chosen. She pointed to the orange chicken. “orange chicken please? Yes that’s the right address. Thank you.” He hung up.

“Do you want to watch something?” she asked. 

“I don’t have Netflix or anything like that.” he said. “But we can play video games?”

She had been about to suggest that they simply use her account, but his suggestion sounded better.

“Which games do you have?” she said. “Which one do you play the most?”

“Well, there is this game where you hunt witches which is kind of cool, but I also have Mario Kart and some more shooting games.” he listed.

“That game sounds sexist.” she said.

“Half the witches are men.” he explained. Nina still didn’t want to play that. 

“Mario Kart sounds good.” she said, picking up a controller from the ground.

They play a single round where Princess Peach defeats Mario. Matthias was Princess Peach. The doorbell rings and Matthias gets up and gets the food. He pulls out a little coffee table from somewhere and puts the food on there. They stop gaming to eat, and then Nina spots his laptop laying on the dresser blocking the view of his bed.

“I think we should watch a movie. We can just use my account.” she said. Sure, gaming was fun but it kept your hands busy. 

“Sure.” He went to grab his laptop and set it on the little coffee table. He moved around the takeout boxes that were almost empty. She leaned forwards and typed in Inej’s e-mail and password and clicked on her account out of the three icons.

“What do you want to watch?” she asked him.

“I don’t know, you choose.” he mumbled. She clicked on ‘Pride and Prejudice (2005)’, knowing she had seen it about ten times, and thought Matthias also had seen at least once. She laid back and placed her head on Matthias’s chest, his arm coming up to wrap around her shoulders. 

She could only wait until the scene where Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth before she started to let her hands trace patterns over his chest, his shoulders. He didn’t do anything but rub the shoulder he had his hand on. Nina was getting impatient.

“Matthias,” she asked, turning her face to look him in the eyes, “are you going to kiss me?”

To say Matthias looked dumbstruck would be an understatement. “No, I mean yes, absolutely yes. I just thought-”

“Good.” Nina said before pressing her lips to his, hard. After a moment he reciprocated and the kiss softened.

His hands came up to cup her face, and hers found their way into his pale hair. She tugged on them slightly, causing him to groan. Their tongues were getting involved now, the movie long forgotten in the background. His lips were just as soft as she had imagined. She shuffled a bit and threw one thigh over his hip. His hands found her waist and started rubbing up and down her back. Her hair came undone and it fell around them like a curtain. Her hands loosened their grip on his hair and she rubbed his cheekbones with her thumbs. He ended up teething at her bottom lip and she made an unholy sound. 

She shifted her hips so that she could feel the hardness of him pressed against her center. 

“Fuck.” said Matthias and Nina gave a little giggle, before moving to tug his hoodie over his head. He lifted his arms to help her. She placed both hands on his chest, feeling the muscle underneath his top. His hands were still on her waist, like he was too shy. She grabbed his forearms and pushed his hands down to her ass. Her brain was short circuiting and all she could think was ‘oh’ and ‘nice’.

She seperated their kiss for a moment to pull her own t-shirt above her head, her hips rolling into his. He kept their lips separate for a moment and took in the sight of her. She was wearing a cotton bralette. They kissed again. Nina reached down to the hem of his top to pull it over his head when he stopped her.

“Nina, Nina wait.” he huffed. 

“What is it?” she asked, breathless. “Is everything okay?”

“I haven’t done this before.” he confessed. To say that Nina was surprised would be an understatement. He was so good looking, how could he have not had the chance. Maybe he did and he didn’t want to. Maybe he was the type to wait until marriage- it would make sense, he had been raised religiously.

“Do you want to?” she asked.

“Yes, well, not right now. I want it to be special because I really like you, Nina. My little red bird.” he said, and then added slightly embarrassed, “I don’t even have condoms.”

She pressed her forehead to his. “That’s okay. I mean, not the condom bit, just the fact that you want to wait. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But please buy condoms.” They both giggled.

“I will. But I really want to keep kissing you.” he said, giving her a small peck on the nose and letting his hands rub the tops of her thighs.

Nina tangled her hands in his hair once more. “I would really like that.”

They kissed and touched for what had to be an hour, but Nina wasn’t exactly keeping track of time. They ended up not fitting on the small couch and moving to the bed, but they kept their pants and her bralette on. She might have thought this to be infuriating, but it was Matthias, and her favorite part of sex was the intimacy, so she found that she quite enjoyed the whole thing.

When Matthias was asleep, she noticed a polaroid camera on his little desk. She remembered his words to her when he had given her that protein bar and her mind started putting together a plan. 

You don’t know what’s about to hit you, poor baby, she thought. She went to the bathroom and took the camera with her. 

When she came back, she huddled in with the large man and slept soundly in his warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to comment, it makes me happy to talk to you guys :)


	5. Pasta dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone:) sorry this took a bit to write and its a little shorter than my usual chapters, but it wasn't a great writing week. hope you enjoy:)

They arrived at the door of her apartment and she pulled out her keys out of her pocket to unlock the door. Her hands were shaky. She managed to turn the key in the lock and they went inside, discarding coats and bags.

“Hi Inej!” yelled Jesper from the living room. “How did the lesson with the hot master go?” Inej was blushing furiously, but before she got a chance to tell Jesper to shut up, Kaz called to Jesper.

“Hello Jesper.” There was an awkward silence as they both walked into the kitchen. Inej started pulling out some vegetables out of the refrigerator, and begun to talk to break the silence, however, Kaz had apparently also had the same idea. 

“So I’m going to make veggie pasta.”

“You think I’m hot?” This resulted in the both of them laughing. Inej avoided his question by handing him some peppers for him to chop. At the same time she was setting a pan full of water on the stove to boil and grabbing some spaghetti from the kitchen cabinet.

“How hungry are you?” she called out suddenly to Jesper. Instead of yelling back his answer, he came into the kitchen. He had his jacket thrown over his shoulder.

“This looks delicious, Inej, but I think I’ll just go out. Nina is already out so you have the apartment to yourself. I will be back at around nine, okay?” he informed. That was the time that was generally considered  _ lights out _ in the apartment. And then he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, patted Kaz on the shoulder and he was gone.

With them being alone in the house, her heart started racing. She kept calm by chopping some other vegetables and making a tomato sauce with a lot of spices that smelled delightful. Kaz set the table after asking her where the plates were and Inej piled more spaghetti on their plates then what was probably necessary. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds until Kaz cleared his throat to ask a question.

“So, where are you from? I’m guessing not London.”

Inej smiled around a mouthful of food and spoke after she had swallowed. “Why not?”

“You aren’t a dick to people.” he responded.

She smiled again. She found herself constantly smiling around him. It was as if the corners of her mouth tugged upwards on reflex at the sound of his voice.

“I was raised in Paris, but I don’t know where my parents are from, exactly.”

Kaz seemed confused, which wasn’t surprising at all. “They died in a car crash when I was little, and my aunt looked after me.” she explained further. “Tante Heleen was obsessed with me getting a ballet education.” 

Kaz furrowed his brows. “Sorry about your parents. Are you talking about Heleen Van Houten?” 

“Unfortunately. She was always incredibly strict so I moved here as soon as I turned eighteen.” She was grateful that he didn’t prod about her parents. It always made her feel awkward since she had been too young to remember them. 

Kaz just nodded. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” she asked him. He nodded again. 

“I have an older brother. He works all the way in America as a financial broker, which really means he steals money, but in a legal way.” Inej was surprised at the hostility in his voice.

“Why do you seem angry about that?” she asked. Of course, it could just be his moral code or something, but Inej suspected Kaz had a much more flexible moral code. There were rumors that he knew the secrets of every significant figure in the ballet community in London. Inej may or may not have given him some insight into the secrets of the dancers in Paris, too, who frequently visited London.

“When my mother died,” he said very casually, and Inej suddenly knew why he hadn't asked her about her parents. He must know how difficult it is to discuss. Kaz continued “He took all the money that we got after selling the farm we used to have. Dad wanted to come to the city, but my darling brother Jordie took the money and booked plane tickets to New York to make it big. He did. He sent us double the money in two years’ time, but my dad had to work minimum wage jobs to feed me and himself in those two years.” He took a sip from his water. Inej didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t have any siblings.” she blurted out nervously. “But Nina and Jesper are like my family.” They really were. When she had landed in London, she had googled ‘ballet studio’, and clicked on one of the red pins on Google Maps randomly. It had been The Dregs Company, and she had put up a flyer on a corkboard looking for roommates two weeks later. 

“Speaking of, where is Nina?” he asked.

Inej had just taken a big bite of food, so there was awkward silence where she chewed for a moment. “With her boyfriend who she insists isn’t her boyfriend since he didn’t ask yet.” she said. Kaz smiled. 

“What do you know of this boyfriend?” questioned Kaz.

Inej knew that face. It didn’t matter to her if he collected information on random people but she wasn’t sure it was right to do it to one of his own dancers. 

“Stop doing that face.” she said. “I will tell you as a friend and not because you’re pulling the face.”

“What face?”

“Your scheming face.” she replied. “It’s hilarious.”

Kaz looked dramatically offended. “It’s scary.”

“It’s really not.” said Inej. Then took a deep breath and started talking. “He is a dancer from The Fjerdan Company and he goes to the same studio as Nina in the afternoon.”

“Matthias Helvar?” asked Kaz.

Inej simply couldn’t believe it. “Jesus Christ, Kaz, how do you know that?” It was expected that he had some knowledge of other dancers but this seemed creepy.

“He is one of the most significant dancers of The Fjerdan Company. Of course I know that he goes to the same studio as one of my own very best dancers.” he offered as explanation. She guessed it made sense.

They spoke until they were done with their food, and Inej offered him wine. “Are you even old enough to drink?” he joked. He knew she was nineteen. Technically she couldn’t drink in the United States but they weren’t in America, were they?

“When is your birthday?” asked Inej when the subject turned into age. She totally wasn’t going to do one of those stupid zodiac compatibility tests online.

“Not too long from now.” was his response. 

“Don’t be an ass, Kaz.” she said. “Mine is July 3rd.” she offered.

“Fine. It’s January 7th.” he sighed. “Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t like celebrating my birthday.”

“It’s a deal. Did you want that wine, by the way?” she asked.

“No. I think I better get going.” he responded and Inej hoped she was able to hide her disappointment.

Kaz grabbed his coat and went to the door. Inej saw him off.

“Thank you for dinner.” Kaz said. 

“No problem. Listen, are you doing anything for Christmas? Because we are going to have a few people over and I would really like you to come.” Inej proposed. 

Kaz gave her one of those full smiles that reached his eyes.

“Sure.” Then he stepped out into the hall and walked away. Inej didn’t close the door until he was down the stairs. The moment he was about to step down the last step, he turned around.

“Seventh of January, 4:36 am in Norfolk, Ghafa.” Then he left. Inej didn’t close the door for a few moments. Perhaps it was because her jaw that was on the floor was blocking the door. Kaz knew she was into the weird astrology stuff. But more importantly, he had looked up his birthtime. For her. That was what she was hoping, at least. Maybe he just knew all the birth times of the people around him. That would be a very Kaz thing to do.

When she shut the door, she texted Jesper that he could come back if he wanted and that Kaz had left. He answered with a photo of him with a roulette, and a pretty blonde girl under his arm.

Inej went into her room and looked up Kaz’s birth chart. She went on his surprisingly active Instagram and watched a couple of videos of him dancing on the story highlights. She had a crush, and after tonight, she had a little bit of hope that he might like her back.

She noticed she had a text from Nina, informing her that she was staying over at Matthias’s place. She wondered if Nina would be on time to the lesson in the morning. Inej supposed her staying over meant that they were going to have sex. Right? She wondered what it would be like. Maybe with Kaz, but also in general. She had never had the urge to jump someone or actually have sex. She knew how to please herself, and that was pretty good but she couldn’t understand how people felt like having sex with strangers. 

It was the first time she actually felt like maybe she would like sex when she thought about it with Kaz. She liked him a lot. She should ask Nina about this. Or Jesper. They both got around to say the least, and they would never make fun of Inej. She was pretty sure the two had slept together at one point. 

She took a way too hot shower and brushed her teeth before going to bed. She stirred only slightly when she hear the door open and close. She would like to say she dreamt of Kaz, which she did, but it was a weird dream where him and Per Haskell were dancing on stage with crows in the theater. Then Tante Heleen’s dog somehow jumped on the stage and did a grand jeté. At that point she figured out she was dreaming but was way too tired to control her dream. 

She woke up five minutes before her alarm to the sound of Nina coming into the apartment. They had three weeks and a few days until the castings and she felt weirdly calm, no sense of an impending doom. She was good, and she would practise, and if she didn’t get the part that would be okay too. It would be a loss on the part of the producer.

She was Inej fucking Ghafa and she deserved to be Odette. 


	6. Eat this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! so sorry this update took me so long, im kind of drowning in schoolwork and stuff. there are stars (***) placed before and after the explicit smut if you wish to skip it. Still got some plot before. hope you enjoy this dirty dirty chapter.

When Matthias woke up the next morning after Nina had left with a kiss on his forehead, he felt full with the buzz of happiness. He was smiling to himself like an idiot while getting dressed and was actually thinking of whistling a melody at fucking six in the morning, when he saw it. Neatly placed into his sock and underwear drawer was a polaroid picture. On said picture, Nina was shirtless and in the bralette she was wearing yesterday, a black and simple thing. What’s more was that she was also bottomless. She only had on what looked like- is that a thong? From the way she had twisted her body for the camera, he couldn’t see where the underwear began, but he definitely saw a lot of cheek.

Underneath the polaroid, she had written in what looked like the sharpie he kept in the kitchen:

_ eat this xx _

It is fair to assume that his shower took longer than usual that day. The whole of last night and now this photo was driving him crazy. What did she expect her to do with it? He didn’t really know, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining.

~

Nina had to get up even earlier than her usual time to go to her house to change and eat. It was still dark outside, and she didn’t want to bother Matthias, who slept surprisingly deeply.

She quietly got up, pulled on her top and kissed Matthias on the forehead before dashing out the door. Kaz did not appreciate late comers and she wanted to eat breakfast. She arrived on time and tolerated Jesper’s comments.

“So, how is he?” asked Jesper. “In bed, I mean.”

“I don’t know.” replied Nina, not offering any more information. Even Inej looked confused.

“What do you mean you don’t know? You spent the night at his place!” exclaimed Jesper.

Nina sighed. “I know I usually share this stuff with you guys and I want to gossip about this too but I actually really like him so you have to never ever tell anyone about this.” she said over a spoonful of cereal. 

“Oh come on,” said Jesper. “When have we ever told anyone else?” 

“No being weird around him, no letting him know I told you guys and no mention of it in any place public. Okay?” 

“Of course.” said Inej. Their speaking volumes had lowered.

Nina took a deep breath. “We didn’t have sex because he is a virgin and wants to take it slow.”

“Not every relationship has to include sex.” stated Inej.

“True,” said Jesper, “but have you seen the guy? He looks like a fuckboy, sorry Nina, and he hangs out with the Fjerdan guys who are notorious for being womanizers.”

Nina nodded her head. “Ugh, I know. I think he was raised religiously or something and he still goes to church every Sunday with his mum. We just ended up making out like teenagers, but it was surprisingly fun.”

They ended up driving the very short distance because as of the first day of December, it was unbearably cold outside.

“I invited Kaz to the Christmas party.” said Inej on the way to the studio.

Nina jumped up. “Ooh, can I invite Matthias then?” Jesper nodded.

The day didn’t seem to end when you were buzzing with excitement to go somewhere afterwards. After a quick lunch she got on the bus and went to the studio where she and Matthias kept it surprisingly professional.

It was after their practice session that they flew into each others arms. Nina’s head was on Matthias’s shoulder as always during the bus ride, but their fingers were also interlaced. They talked about Matthias’s friends who were getting antsy about the castings. That surprised Nina, they seemed to have perfect self confidence when anyone was around.

“Do you tell your friends about me?” asked Matthias.

Nina blushed. “Yes.” she said, “Do you?”

“I would like to, but I know you don’t like them so I haven’t yet.” he said. Nina wondered how he would introduce her. Would he say that he had a girlfriend? That he was out with someone?

“You can. I’m sure they would be nicer if they knew I was your girlfriend.” She knew it was a dick move to say ‘girlfriend’ to see his reaction, but Matthias didn’t even flinch. 

“I’m not so sure. They are pretty mean.” he chuckled. Nina wondered why he was friends with them if he didn’t like them that much and said so.

“I don’t know.” he said. “We have been going to the same company to dance since we were six. Our families went to the same churches. We grew up together.” 

They got off the bus and started walking a few streets over to Matthias’s place. Since he lived alone, it was the most logical thing to do. During the walk through the empty streets, Matthias kept stopping just to kiss her. When they were inside the apartment building, the kisses became longer and deeper, and soon Matthias was kissing Nina against the door of his flat while fumbling with the keys to unlock the door at the same time. The door flew open and Nina almost fell down, giddy and giggling when Matthias caught her. He quicky closed the door, not moving his face away from hers and started kissing her again against the other side of the door. 

Someone coughed.

Matthias broke apart from her and looked towards the source of the interruption. Nina managed to get a look over Matthias’s shoulder. There was a teenaged girl sitting on the couch with books spread out in front of her.

“Vera,” said Matthias, “what are you doing here?” he seemed confused and dumbstruck. He let Nina slip from between him and the door. 

“Mum sent me over. She said you could help me with my math homework.” she explained, but her eyes twinkled with the excitement of having something to hold over her brother’s head. Matthias had mentioned her a couple of times. She was his sister who was a high school junior and was into maths and chemistry and all the “numbers stuff”, as Matthias had put it. The room was awkwardly silent for a moment.

“Hi, I’m Vera, Matthias's sister.” said Vera suddenly, getting up and offering her hand to Nina. She took it and shook it.

“I’m Nina Zenik.” she said with a smile on her face that hopefully helped her forget what she had to witness. They shed their coats and went to sit on the too small couch. Nina had to bring his desk chair over to sit on.

“So, okay, tell me, what’s your homework?” asked Matthias and grabbed a random notebook.

“Oh, I’m almost finished already. I’m pretty sure mum sent me to check up on you.” said Vera. She resembled Matthias a lot: the same blonde hair and blue eyes, but also the same thick eyebrows- though hers were in a lot better shape. “Seems like you are doing pretty okay,” she added with a look in Nina’s direction, but her words weren’t meant to be hurtful. She was just teasing her older brother about kissing someone.

“Listen,” said Matthias, “you absolutely cannot tell mum, alright?” Nina raised an eyebrow.

“Why can’t she know that you have a girlfriend? She seems lovely.” asked Vera.

Nina was wondering exactly the same thing. “Yeah Matthias, why not?” 

Matthias was blushing furiously again. She enjoyed watching him squirm. “It’s not the girlfriend part, I’m talking about the… kissing part.” Ah. A dash of religious guilt, then.

Vera looked genuinely confused about that. “You are twenty three, you can do whatever you want. I’m not going to snitch on you for not waiting until marriage or whatever. It’s the twenty first century.” Nina decided she liked Vera already.

“Also, I still need help with a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

For the next few minutes, Vera tried to explain to Matthias what she wasn’t understanding to get help, but he didn’t seem to know any better than her.

“How did you even graduate high school?” exclaimed Vera, clearly frustrated. 

“Without taking AP classes, Vera.” he responded.

Nina had, however, taken a lot of high level classes. “Let me see.” she said and grabbed the notebook from Matthias’s giant hands. Bingo. She knew this subject and this was her chance to make Vera like her.

She took her time and explained the certain aspect that Vera hadn't been able to understand. Nina could tell from the questions she was asking that Vera was indeed very smart, but she also sounded fun.

When they got done, Matthias was making them all grilled cheese sandwiches. They ate around the little coffee table and it wasn’t long before Vera spoke.

“Matthias, can you buy me a bottle of tequila?” She asked like it was a very normal question. Matthias’s eyes bulged but he couldn’t speak until he had swallowed his bite.

“Why? Also, why would I do that?” asked Matthias. 

Vera pouted. “I am going to a house party and I want to be nice? Also I don’t like beer.”

Nina couldn’t stop herself from commenting. “And you like tequila? How old are you?”

“I’m seventeen.” 

“Sorry, babe. I am in no position to boss her around. You should have seen me at her age.” she laughed. \

“Come on,” pleaded Vera, “what’s the point of having an older brother if you won’t buy me alcohol? I turn 18 in five months!”

“You say that as if that isn’t half a year.” 

Vera sighed. She turned to Nina. “I’m sorry for this, Nina, I like you but this has to be done.” Then she turned to Matthias and announced:

“If you don’t buy me tequila I will tell mum that you are having premarital sex.” Nina wanted to laugh so bad but she also felt bad for Matthias, who was very much a mama’s boy. Matthias was blushing furiously. He wasn’t speaking and Nina could almost hear him weighing his options.

“How about,” said Nina in an attempt to smooth the situation, “I buy Vera something lighter than tequila and she doesn’t tell your mum anything? You won’t feel as guilty then.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

So Nina took Vera to the liquor store where she waited outside and Nina emerged with a bottle in a black plastic bag. 

“You’re cool. I like you.” said Vera suddenly, “I always thought Matthias would be with a prude like him, but I’m glad he found someone I like too. My mother will love you.”

“Really?” I questioned. “Won’t she think I’m seducing his son away from the way of God?”

“Gosh, no. She is religious, yes, but not the kind to meddle in other people’s lives, not even her son’s. Matthias became a lot more… extremist about all this once he started hanging out with those kids at the ballet.” 

They arrived at Matthias’s apartment again. 

“I am going to go back up to get my books and stuff, then I’ll go back home. Thank you for the alcohol.” she said. 

“Drink responsibly, kid,” Nina said and Vera rolled her eyes. “I know, I will.” she still promised.

***smutty bit, skip ahead if you want***

After she had left Nina and Matthias started fooling around while a movie long forgotten played in the background.

“I saw the polaroid you left me.” murmured Matthias into her mouth as they were kissing. 

“Hmmmm. You like it?” Nina’s words were breathy. Unlike last time, Matthias was on top of her and his weight was pinning her to the bed. 

“Of course.” Then his lips were moving against her neck, on her pulse point, at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, on her collarbone. Nina whimpered. His hands were on gliding all over her until one came to rest at her breast. She still had her bralette and knickers on, and he his boxer briefs, but this was the most naked they had been.

“Tell me how to pleasure you, Nina.” he said against her skin. 

“What?” she was pretty sure her brain was short circuiting. She had had sex, but never so passionately and coherent thoughts were difficult.

“Teach me how to make you come.” The blunt words were like a splash of cold water just enough to wake her up from the trance.

“Okay.” was what she said, but in her head she was thinking about how she was _ so going to tell this to Jesper.  _ Not everyday did a guy tell you that. She realised that he was waiting for instructions.

“Take my bralette off.” she said, and he obliged. His attention and the slight chill of december had her nipples already pebbling. Matthias looked at them for a second, and then Nina grabbed his hand to put it over her left breast. 

“It’s okay, Matthias. I will tell you if I don’t like something. Do what you want.” she reassured him. He bent down to put the gentlest kiss on the other breast and then his hand was doing a gentle kneading motion. He was nothing but gentle.

“I won’t break, Matthias.” He seemed relieved. His lips lingered on the tops of her breasts and then he kissed his way down between them, followed the line of her abdominal muscles. Nina’s breath hitched as she tried not to be tickled from his mouth on her lower abdomen. He noticed her muscles clench.

“Are you okay?” he asked and looked up at her and she could have sworn she had never seen such pretty eyes.

“Yes, go on, just ticklish.”

He hooked his pointer fingers into the elastic of her knickers. “May I?”

“You may.”

He slowly dragged them down over her legs and tossed them on the floor. When he started kissing all the way from her ankle up her calf, and then up her thigh, Nina truly couldn’t believe he hadn’t done this before. Maybe that was exactly why. He was cherishing this and taking his time. He even looked like he was enjoying it. When he reached her thigh, she spread her legs for him. He settled between them and pushed her legs further apart to accommodate his wide shoulders.

He dipped his head down and gave a broad lick upwards. Nina moaned, not because it felt amazing, but because she was taken by surprise. He licked her like that a few more times, and Nina decided he needed a bit of instruction. 

“Here,” she said and pointed with the tip of her finger to her clit, “that’s the part you need to focus on.” He bent down his head again and made a tight circle around the bundle of nerves all while looking up at her to watch her reaction. 

“Fuck.” she muttered and gave a moan the next time he did it. He found a rhythm of swirling and licking and sucking and Nina was gripping his hair, pushing his head in. This boy was a goddamn natural. Her thighs were locked around his head, holding him in place and she hadn’t even noticed she was doing it until Matthias spread her again by pushing on her knees. She muttered and apology and he told her that it was okay, but he kept his lips on her while he said it, the vibrations of his voice running through every nerve in her body.

“You taste amazing, God, Nina.”

Matthias slipped his middle finger into her entrance while servicing her clit and her hips buckled. He pushed them back down and started thrusting his finger in and out of her.

“Keep it in, curl it and rub.” she said. “Like you’re rubbing the clit from the inside.”

He did. His thick digit found the different textured bit on her front walls and Nina was crying out, no longer in state to give advice. He didn’t seem to need it anymore. The sweet sensation that had been building inside her burst outwards, making her limbs shake and she was sure she sounded ridiculous, all broken moans and curses.

“Matthias.” She said his name right at the peak of it all and he didn’t push her hips back down this time as they lifted of the bed. Her legs were shaking. That didn’t happen often.

His mouth covered hers after she seemed calmer and Nina tasted herself on his mouth. 

“What would you rate that on a scale from one to ten?” he asked. Nina looked up at him to see him smiling.

“An eight. Always room for improvement, pretty boy.” she said, but then added, “Thank you. That was amazing.”

It was quiet for a moment. “I want to return the favour.” she told him and reached down to cup him through his underwear. He had looked huge when they had gotten undressed and she really wanted to see it without fabric covering it.

She made him stand up so she could remove his underwear and made him sit back down on the edge of the bed and settled between his legs. 

This was going to be fun. Her guesses were correct. He had the prettiest cock she had ever seen.

***SMUT OVER***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that chapter was getting way too long so you gotta wait to see a blowjob:)

**Author's Note:**

> A comment would make my day, and kudos are always appreciated. Don't be afraid to talk to me:)


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